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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.
If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.
Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
That's enough for now :) I don't think many people find these things as humorous as I do, but that's alright with me! :) Hokay...I'm going to go watch Myth busters :) | 
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